PSI Tutor: Academic Mentor

There is a great scene from The Stuntman, one of my favorite films, where Steve Railsback and Barbara Hershey have made a pact to escape and she is to hide in the trunk of a car he is to drive away. Morning comes and Steve is starting to open the trunk to check, when another member of the crew stops him and basically says, if she’s in there it doesn’t matter, he can relax. And if she isn’t in there, she doesn’t love him, and nothing matters. Either way, opening the trunk won’t help.

I said it was my favorite film, not a great one.

Exam time is coming up and soon you will be asked to show what you know. There is no other time when confidence can, so quickly, turn to despair.

A certain religion class always had a high enrollment at a small liberal arts college. This was because, since the professor had started teaching the class, thirty years previously, he always had just one question on the final exam, Chart the Life and Travels of the Apostle Paul. Most students would doze off, do other homework or generally just endure the classes, unless the Apostle Paul was mentioned, then pens would fly, recorders would be turned on and attention would be paid.

Final exam time came. The professor was retiring this year and so his enrollment was particularly heavy, since this would be the last opportunity for an easy A from this class. Everyone in class was ready with their notes when the exam was handed out, one question, just like all thirty years before, Critique the Life and Teachings of Jesus Christ...The atmosphere in the room, once so festive and full of life, took on the feeling of a bus crash. A classroom full of dazed and confused people all wondering what happened.

Slowly, one by one, they all walked to the professor’s desk and turned in their blank exam booklets. Except for one lineman on the school football team. His large bulk barely fit at his desk as he scribbled furiously filling page after page, until finally, he was the last one left in the room.

The professor, after looking through all of the blank booklets, walked up to the football player and said, “Listen, I don’t care how good or bad what you’ve written is. You are the only one who passes this course because at least you tried. Smiling, the lineman thanked the professor, handed in his paper and left the classroom. The professor then opened up the exam booklet to read what the lineman had written, it began… “Who am I to critique the life and teachings of Jesus Christ, what I want to do is chart the life and travels of the Apostle Paul...”

Another, more recent story, concerns a philosophy professor, known for his intelligence and wit, but particularly for his scathing critiques of inferior work or lazy thought. He was a hardass.

The class concerned itself with such topics as Justice, Charity, Bravery, Piety, Loyalty and Virtue; discussions were long, in depth and woe to anyone who came in unprepared.

Final exams had to be the absolute best work a student could turn in, but succinct and to the point. Meaningless filler and weasel worded paragraphs designed to disguise ignorance were a sure way to failure. He was merciless.

Exam time arrived and the all night study sessions had taken their toll on the students, they looked like earthquake survivors. If coffee could have been taken intravenously there would have been IV poles all over the room. The professor walked to the whiteboard and wrote the topic, the one topic that they would all have to expound upon in their essays.  What is Courage?

Pens flew across paper, pages turned, sweat dripped from brows, coffee got cold sitting on desktops as no one took time to drink it.

Except for one student. He thought for a moment, wrote one sentence in his book and turned it in.

Curious, and thinking the student had simply given up, the professor picked up the exam booklet, opened it, and beneath the Topic, What is Courage? the student had simply written, “This is.” He received the only A in the class.

In both of these stories students were rewarded for audacity. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case at exam time. But looking beyond the audacious, they also didn’t panic, kept calm, did what they considered to be their best work at the time and turned it in. It is normal to be a little nervous at exam time, and that can help you do your best work if you channel it, but it can also destroy you if you obsess on what you don’t know. I am fortunate; I have always been a good test taker. And part of the reason is that I always went in with the attitude that I either knew it, or I didn’t, and there was nothing I could do about it then.

Trust yourself to do your best work at the time. Study and prepare as best you can and generally you’ll find, as I did, that you actually know more at exam time than you think you know.

And when it comes time to open that test booklet, keep The Stuntman in mind: If you know it… it doesn’t matter what’s in there, and if you don’t know it… it doesn’t matter what’s in there.

There is life after exams. Do your best work at the time!

Dan Brantley has been a humorist for longer than he cares to admit. For more strategy, tactics and instruction on Using Humor. Check out his blog, http://usinghumor.com He is available for speaking engagements, consulting, seminars and workshops dan@usinghumor.com